I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
