he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I have aggressive nipples.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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