could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
