I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
