I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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