omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
