Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
