He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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