we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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