did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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