dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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