I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
