Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
