The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
