I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
