You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
