We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
