i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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