ugly people sure do ruin things
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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