Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
