8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have grass duct taped all over my body
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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