I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
