Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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