Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
