somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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