I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
