Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
