he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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