o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize