I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
