Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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