so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
