i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
