ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
