How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
