i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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