He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My hand turned me down
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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