let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
