hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
it's like iHOP with fire
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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