Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
