I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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