moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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