Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
