just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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