Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
