I'm really into asian looking animals
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
