I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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