When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
