What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
