I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize