Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
