So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
