when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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