He kissed a someone with a penis
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
