Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think I sprained my soul last night
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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