I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
