ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
