my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
