Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
