Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
