Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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