I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize