talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
