So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize