you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
