I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
