I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize