i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
